Tuesday, September 30, 2008


I shouldn't be writing this blog, I should be studying for chemistry...
Brenden wrote on my wall the other day. Why do I put so much thought into a little facebook post? I was just so taken aback. Let's go through how I over analyzed this.
1. He was looking at my profile. *gasp*
2. It was actually a nice post... surprise coming from him.
3. He was looking at my profile!!!!!!!!!
4. He had to have seen how happy I am with my friends.
5. I haven't been thinking about him as often as I used to.. good thing!
6. I need to come up with something witty but not look like I was trying too hard to write back.

Kaylie and I talked about it for a while. When you love someone or even care about them tremendously they always have that part of you. I was so invested in Brenden that when things ended I was frayed. The part of me that was invested in him will always be with him, whether he knows it or not. I have learned to grow and replace that missing piece with the friends I have made here and the people that I have begun to care about and just in the changes I have made in the person I am since I have moved out to Utah. One day I will meet the person that will be it for me. Even though I know that I will love this person more than life itself, there will still be that chunk that is with Brenden. But, that doesn't really bother me because I know that I will be able to invest all of me that is still a part of me into the person that will mean forever.
I think that my relationship with Brenden represented a period of my life. He was the transition for me from high school to college. He brought out from within me the ability to care for and even love another. That is good.
But, now I am in another part of my life and that transition stage is far behind. I would never take back the things that I learned from Brenden and the experiences we shared... but I recognize that that is gone.
This is good.
By the way, the post I wrote in response was both witty and clever, and sexy, did I mention sexy?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

the gas, the break, the pedal

Outstanding day today. Today I woke up and talked to D'Angelo on the phone, which was fantastic. Went shopping, mailed back my phone, picnic in the park, dominated at frisbee/football ;).. You know. the norm. I took a chem quiz and even finished my chem homework.. Trey came over and we had story time then went to see Forever Strong.. On the way out of the apartment he was stopped by three different girls (are you LJ's brother?!!!!!!!!!!!!) Yes, he is... That's more people than I know in Enclave. Get to the movie... it's okay... Quite a bit of overacting, a little cheesy, but whateve.... what was I really expecting? After.. "Trey.. you should let me drive your car." Wouldn't think he would fall for it a second time would ya? Well.. all we had to do was go get some Denny's first. Denny's at midnight... and he got the largest meal there... When it came out I was floored... I even stated that there was no way he could finish it... he took on the challenge. The bet: If he finished every single thing (which included two giant pancakes, two eggs, two pieces of bacon, two pieces of sausage, two pieces of ham, two pieces of toast as well as hash browns) then I would have to jump into the pool via the zip line, fully clothed... If he couldn't finish the meal then I could call him up and say "Hey, I need your car, bring it over so I can use it" :) I underestimated the Tongan in him. Of course he finished the whole meal.. and then continued to eat what I couldn't finish of mine.. This kid is legit. After our Denny's adventure we went to the football stadium parking lot so I could practice my manual driving. WOW... I was so much better over the summer... this was unreal. Well, we had a couple of rules 1. No screaming from me 2. No turning down the music... that was basically it. I had a couple of good starts... the rest blew. I can't even explain it, I felt like an idiot... I swear, ask my brother, I was good over the summer. Well... after about an hour of this I was done... so he drove me home.. Awkward goodbye just how we like it... and now I am writing this blog about my amazing day.
But seriously... I was really good over the summer.

Friday, September 26, 2008


This day was quite odd... Kaylie and I went to the Italian Idol... which sucked by the way... and I just hurt for some reason. I think that LJ being real finally clicked in my mind... Up to that point he hadn't really been anything other than an idea. Last night talking some things over with Kaylie I realized that I was so desirous to have what she and LJ had, that I unconsciously thought the only way I could get that was to like someone that was similar to LJ... and we know who that was. Last night I realized that I don't really like this person.. But now that we are off of that tangent this is the point of this post. Sitting in Italian Idol I looked at Kaylie's phone and saw her background which was of her and LJ. While I was looking at her phone someone was singing a love song in Italian... so my feelings weren't completely bizarre. For some reason I was aching inside. Perhaps it was because this boy singing dedicated the song to his "special someone"... but I really think it was because of the picture. I think I really just hurt for Kaylie. How hard must it be to be so in love with someone, yet they are across the world for two whole years? At the same time you are expected to date and have fun, yet you can't stop thinking about this person. Eventually this person just becomes an idea to you as well... Clinging to an idea is not nearly as easy as clinging to a person. I have nothing but Respect for Kaylie.... oh dear, I love her.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Post one

This is my blog. Kaylie made me make one. It is going to be the best blog ever. Yesterday Carrie dyed part of my hair pink. I hope I can take tests in the testing center... kind of.
Just kidding, this is going to be a really bad blog. All my friends write really interesting things.. mine is going to be me complaining mostly. I want to watch Atonement again. Jenna really loves that movie. The first time I saw it the entire time I was contemplating whether I liked it or not, in the end I decided I liked it. I wish that I could look into the future and see what I am going to major in and what my career is going to be and who I am going to marry, that way I don't have to waste my time and stress out. I feel as though I never take things as they come. I always want to know what the end of the road will be, I never take time to realize that the journey is the whole point of it. I feel as though the end will never come and if I keep just waiting for the end to come then I will never experience anything ever. I was looking at my mom's myspace the other day and there was a picture on there of my parents and I on my graduation day. The sky was blue, the grass was so green and wonderful and it was so sunny. Marcum left a comment that said "those shoe's look quite uncomfortable.....cute family though...real nice grass too...hopefully you took a good moment and sat down on it" Until now something like that hasn't ever really struck me. The grass does look so great, it would have been amazing to have taken a nap on it, but I didn't. That whole day was just a rush to get ready, to get to pictures, to get to the ceremony... And to what point? The event happened, I reached "the end"... but there will always be another end... Unless I stop take a nap in the grass my life is going to amount to nothing. Sure I may have reached a lot of ends, but who cares? If I don't stop for just one second and freakin' take a nap... I don't know. That is one thing I really admire Brenden about. How he is very laid back and always wanting to experience things, not just be apart of them. Maybe my trying to be what he wanted me to be will have paid off... maybe I will someday soon be able to take a nap in the grass.